Teaching Confidence

Can we work to instill confidence in children by utilizing the techniques of the Dog Whisper?  Ok, bear with me here.  I’m not suggesting that teaching children is like training dogs but I do wonder if we can apply some of the points that Caesar Milan, the Dog Whisperer, utilizes in order to build confidence in our children.  Caesar asserts that we need calm, assertive energy to work with dogs.  I think the same holds true for working with children.  He encourages us to “imagine someone who inspires confidence in you – a parental figure or mentor; a famous leader or hero; even a fictional character.  How do they carry themselves, and what in them inspires confidence in you?”  Then he suggests that we emulate that individual.  “Stand like they would stand.  Move like they would move.”  (www.cesarsway.com/)  If we teach children to act more confident I believe they will learn to be more confident.

So what does that mean?  Can we really teach confidence?  Liz Morrison, LCSW, suggests that we can and outlines some ways to increase a child’s confidence.

Let Them Make Decisions.  Encourage decision making at home and then children can learn to apply these skills to larger decisions elsewhere.  Help them learn from the process and discuss what happened if things didn’t work out as intended.

Encourage Positive Participation.  Let children participate in things that interest them rather than pushing them into activities.  Learning to fail is valuable but succeeding at activities helps develop self-esteem.

Set Achievable Goals. Help children set short term goals that are achievable and then help them stay accountable in order to be successful.

Focus on the Positives. “Positive attention from a parent or adult figure is a great way to build confidence.”  (Liz Morrison) 

Find the Evidence.  Help children break down the details of their experiences and examine what is really true.  Is it true that they have no friends?  Is it true that he will pass out if he gets up to bat?  Is it really true that everyone is laughing at her?

Carol S. Dweck, Ph.D., a leading researcher on why people succeed and how to foster success,  says that “if parents want to give their children a gift, the best thing they can do is to teach their children to love challenges, be intrigued by mistakes, enjoy effort, and keep on learning.  That way, their children don’t have to be slaves of praise.  They will have a lifelong way to build and repair their own confidence.”

I believe helping to instill confidence in children is not just the job of parents.  Research from the Search Institute indicates that young people need the support of adults outside of their families.  “The more love, support, and adult contacts a young person has, the more likely it is that he or she will grow up healthy.”  (http://www.search-institute.org/) The bottom line is that we can integrate information from the Dog Whisperer, a social worker, and a college professor (as well as many others) to be intentional about helping young people succeed – and that it’s a task that needs all of us.

Jackson County 4-H helps children and youth develop confidence through long-term involvement in clubs, learning to do oral presentations and perform music, learning independence through overnight camping experiences, and through the experiential education method that emphasizes processing and critical thinking.  Building confident leaders is a goal in 4-H.

Learn more about how we’re empowering young people in our community with skills to lead for a lifetime at jackson4-h.blogspot.com or contact me directly at heather_gordon@ncsu.edu or 586-4009.